Poppers

"Poppers"... What are they?

1. "Poppers" is the street term used for nearly 50 years to describe the misuse of any alkyl nitrite (including amyl nitrite, isobutyl nitrite and butyl nitrite) as inhalants for recreational purposes.

2. Although "Poppers" have only recently come to the public attention, alkyl nitrites have been inhaled for over one hundred years. They have had a long and well-documented history of public safety. This record is strongly reinforced by the fact that during the past 35 years a very high probability has existed that a large percentage of all nitrite odorants sold were misused as "poppers".

Who Wants Them Banned and Why?

1. Despite that long safety record of alkyl nitrites, the AIDS phenomenon opened the door of opportunity for certain self-serving individuals to promote themselves as “experts" on the study of "poppers" and to condemn their use as unsafe. These self-proclaimed "experts" did not have the knowledge of immunology or epidemiology to make informed judgments about AIDS or its cause. Real experts now tell us that AIDS is caused, not by "poppers", but by a virus and that the misuse of nitrites as "poppers" appears rather clearly NOT to be causally associated with AIDS or any of its opportunistic infections. In 1987, the large MCS study, among others, confirmed that no such connection exists.

Are They Really Safe?

1. Anti-"popper" individuals suggest "poppers" are unsafe because they are not regulated by any government agency. This is simply not true. Of the compounds most commonly used as "poppers", amyl nitrite is regulated by the FDA and nitrite-based room odorizers are regulated by the Consumer Product Safety Commission. Within the past few years, the CPSC has twice been asked to restrict isobutyl nitrite products and has twice, after thorough investigation, decided that the safety record of these products did not indicate that such action was necessary. Although responsible nitrite odorant manufacturers have never encouraged or promoted the misuse of their nitrite odorants as "poppers", they have long recognized the high probability of such misuse. They, therefore, have shared a deep concern and responsibility toward each responsible adult user of these products. (in much the same manner that responsible children's crayon manufacturers recognize that their crayons will be eaten and thus assure that they are safely edible.)

2. A review of the literature clearly shows that inhalation of the alkyl nitrites poses no significant health hazard.

Statements of Fact

Merck & Co., Inc.: Where patients come first.
Volatile Nitrites/Poppers
"Amyl nitrite (poppers) may be inhaled to alter consciousness and enhance sexual pleasure. Use is particularly prominent among urban male homosexuals. Other nitrites (butyl, isobutyl)--eg, Locker Room and Rush--are in use. There is little evidence of significant hazard, although nitrites and nitrates produce vasodilation, with brief hypotension, dizziness, and flushing, followed by reflex tachycardia." Copyright © 1995-2006 Merck & Co., Inc.

James Curran, M.D.
the CDCs Chief AIDS Investigator
In a letter to the one-man, San Francisco-based 'Committee to Monitor Poppers' Dr. Curran responded to the committee’s request that he take an anti-popper position by telling the committee that "Current data does not warrant an anti-popper campaign." May 6,1985


Mark Novitch, M.D.
FDA Commissioner
In a letter to the White House said that, based on existing data, "...there is very little evidence of acute toxicity related to use of butyl nitrite." “...relative to lifetime use by homosexuals, although some groups contend that the possibility exists that repeated use among homosexuals may produce adverse effects, there is virtually no direct evidence to support that." April 18, 1984


P.R.J. Gangadharam
Researcher
Six months after being widely reported in the media to have 'linked' nitrite inhalation to AIDS and its diseases, in a letter to Paul Varnel, Research Director for the Illinois Gay and Lesbian Task Force, reverses himself when saying: "It is not mentioned, nor is it our intention to say, that isobutyl nitrite causes AIDS, nor does it precipitate or intensify the disease status of the AIDS people." February 24, 1986


Ray Hamilton
Director of Recall and Litigation, Bureau of Drugs
Food and Drug Administration (FDA)
In an official FDA statement clarifying the agency's feelings on the subject of butyl nitrite, Mr. Hamilton said: "...the FDA does not plan to devote resources to a project involving room odorizers containing alkyl nitrites because of the absence of demonstrable hazard." January 30,1981


John A. Liddle, Ph.D.
Public Health Service(PHS)
Centers for Disease Control (CDC)
In a letter to the New York Consumer Protection Board Dr. Liddle told the Board, "No positive correlation between the use of organic nitrites and the onset of AIDS was ever demonstrated." May 10, 1985


Radhey L. Singhal, Ph. D., Professor and Chairman Department of Pharmacology, University of Ottawa
In a letter to Canada's Product Safety Branch, Consumer and Corporate Affairs, says, "As stated in our report, we have concluded that occasional inhalation of isobutyl nitrite for its 'inebrient' effect in a recreational context is unlikely to pose a health hazard..." July 30,1979


J.J. Goedert, M.D. & W.A. Blattner, M.D.
National Cancer Institute, NIH
In the lead chapter of one of the finest new AIDS research and therapy books(l), Dr. Goedert and Dr. Blattner at the National Cancer Institute discuss inhalation of nitrites and say, "...it now appears that frequent use of nitrite inhalants simply may be a surrogate marker of frequent receptive anal intercourse."

(1)Goedert, J.J. and Blattner, W.A. The epidemiology of AIDS and related conditions. W: AIDS: ETILOLOGY, DIAGNOSIS, TREATMENT, AND PREVENTION. eds.: DeVita, V.T., Heuman, S. and Rosenbert, S.A. 1985 J.B. Lippincott Company. New York

Cladd Stevens, M.D., Head of Laboratory of Epidemeology
The New York Blood Center
While conducting one of this nation's largest ongoing studies of gay men and AIDS, during a meeting with J.F. Miller, President and CEO of Great Lakes Products, Inc., Dr. Stevens said: "Based on the data I've accumulated over the past five years, there appears to be no correlation between inhalation of butyl nitrite and AIDS or any of its infections." February 26, 1986 *Meeting held in Dr. Steven's offices at New York Blood Center, New York City


Bruce Voeller, Ph.D. President, Mariposa Foundation, Nationally-known AIDS researcher who gave AIDS its name, co-founder National Gay Task Force
In a major article on AIDS and "poppers" printed in the California newspaper, SAN DIEGO UPDATE: "...the intense campaigns against the use of volatile nitrites conducted by some, are slim in scientific merit. We need to get off poppers", or make a case against them through better science. We've been too preoccupied with "poppers" (as a possible co-factor) to the exclusion of everything else. By continuing up the wrong path, we loose time finding the right one." April 30, 1986


U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) Memorandum to National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)
"...data would seem to indicate that the abuse of nitrites is relatively unlikely to result In a medical emergency." March 8, 1984

James W. Mosely, M.D.
University of Southern California Medical School professor who heads the U.S. government's largest, multi-million dollar program studying the AIDS virus and the nation's blood supply
In sworn testimony before a state legislative committee, stated that he had reviewed the evidence regarding isobutyl nitrite and AIDS, and that he regarded the claims of danger to be ill-founded. December 1985

U.S. Government Findings: Alkyl Nitrite Misuse by High School Students is Not a Problem in the U.S.
Although abuse of nitrite-based room odorants was never a significant problem with minors, National Institute on Drug Abuse statistics have shown a "substantial drop in the use of the amyl and butyl nitrites..."
NIH and NIDA publication: DRUGS AND AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS 1975-1983

D. Lewis, of the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health
As reported in U.S. Medicine, while speaking in an AIDS session at the Public Health Service (PHS) annual meeting, reported his animal research with isobutyl nitrite indicated the substance is not immunotoxic for mice.
June 15, 1983


Cable News Network (CNN)
During a segment on AIDS: "In another development this week, federal investigators did a study of the stimulant isobutyl nitrite ... which was thought to have a depressing effect on the immune system. Studies on mice indicate the compound doesn't directly harm the body's defenses. September 8, 1983

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

Synopsis

When seventeen year-old Bella Swan leaves sunny Arizona to live with her father in the small and gloomy Pacific North-West town of Forks she doesn’t expect to like it. After all she has made excuses not to go there enough times over the past few years. If living in Forks, with its constant mist and rain, wasn’t bad enough she will have to make a whole new set of friends and settle into a new school.

Bella soon makes some new friends at school but when she sees a boy called Edward Cullen sitting with his brothers and sisters in the cafeteria she is instantly intrigued. Edward is stunningly attractive, almost inhumanly beautiful, and yet he is an outsider too. Although Edward and his family have lived in Forks for two years they have never really been accepted by the townsfolk.

At first Edward is aloof, sometimes it almost seems like he can’t stand to be in the same room as her, but eventually they strike up an unlikely friendship. Even as Bella falls hopelessly and irrevocably in love with Edward, she still can’t work out exactly what makes him so different to everyone else.

On a trip to the beach, Bella is told of the local legend about the “cold ones”, a group of blood drinkers who have sworn off hunting humans but are still not welcome on Indian land because vampires are not to be trusted. Realising Edward is vampire changes nothing for Bella, she knows that she still loves him even if he’s not human.

Edward and his whole family are vampires. Edward himself was made a vampire when he was seventeen years-old, although that was at the end of World War I. For Edward his love for Bella is both a delight and a torment. A delight because she is the first person he has loved since he was made a vampire. A torment because although he has sworn off human blood and only hunts animals the craving for human blood never truly leaves him and the very scent of her also stirs his hunger for blood….

The Review

Twilight is the story of Edward and Bella’s romance. Forget any vampire romance you have read before, Twilight is so unique it is almost like it’s in its own genre. The book is marketed at Young Adult readers but it has the ability to cross age barriers and will satisfy both teenagers and adults alike.

The story is told in first person from the perspective of Bella, so the reader only ever know what she knows, making Edward and his family a mystery that is slowly unravelled through out the book. Even by the end of the book I was still thirsting for more of the Cullen family back story - hopefully their characters might be developed further in future books. Bella herself is a well written and realistic character, shy and lacking in confidence, her sarcastic inner voice narrates the story for the reader.

Twilight is simply and yet beautifully written. The descriptions of Forks leave you feeling like you can almost smell the damp air and hear the rain falling on the roof.

The romance between Edward and Bella is both touching and compelling. There is a melancholic feel to their impossible love, yet at the same time they both are unwilling to give up hope that their relationship is not doomed. The book reaches a fever pitch of excitement as the romance between Bella and Edward turns into a frantic race to stay alive.

I have heard Twilight described as “a vampire story for people who don’t like vampire stories” and I think I would agree with that. This book really has something for everyone. Young adult readers, vampire fans or romance readers will all find Twilight to be an appealing story.

For a Young Adult novel the book is quite long but don’t let that put you off reading it because each page is to be savoured. Believe me, this is one book that you won’t want to end

DOTA - Defense of the Ancients

What is it?

Defense of the Ancients (DotA) is a custom scenario for Warcraft III, based on the "Aeon of Strife" map for StarCraft. The objective of the scenario is to destroy the opponents' "Ancient". The two teams' ancients are heavily guarded structures at opposing corners of the map. Players use powerful units known as heroes, and are assisted by allied heroes and AI-controlled fighters called "creeps". As in role-playing games, players level up their hero and use gold to buy equipment during the mission.

The scenario was developed with the "World Editor" of Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos, and was updated upon the release of the Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. There have been many variations of the original concept; currently, the most popular is DotA Allstars, which has been maintained by several authors during development.

Since its release, Allstars has become a feature at several worldwide tournaments, including Blizzard Entertainment's BlizzCon and the Asian World Cyber Games, as well as the Cyberathlete Amateur and CyberEvolution leagues; Gamasutra declared that DotA was perhaps the most popular "free, non-supported game mod in the world". The map has gone on to influence other maps and games, including the 2009 strategy game Demigod.

Gameplay

A game of DotA Allstars in progress

Defense of the Ancients pits two teams of players against each other: the Sentinel and the Scourge. Players on the Sentinel team are based at the southwest corner of the map, and those on the Scourge team are based at the northeast corner. Each base is defended by towers and waves of units which guard the main paths leading to their base. In the center of each base is the "Ancient", a building that must be destroyed to win the game.

Each human player controls one Hero, a powerful unit with unique abilities. In Allstars, players on each side choose one of ninety-three heroes, each with different abilities and tactical advantages over other heroes. The scenario is highly team-oriented; it is difficult for one player to carry the team to victory alone. Nevertheless, some heroes, given enough time, can change the outcome single-handedly, while countering the opposing team's heroes. Defense of the Ancients allows up to ten players in a five versus five format and an additional two slots for referees or observers, often with an equal number of players on each side.

Because the gameplay revolves around strengthening individual heroes, it does not require one to focus on resource management and base-building, as in most traditional real-time strategy games. Killing computer-controlled or neutral units earns the player experience points; when enough experience is accumulated, the player gains a level. Leveling up improves the hero's toughness and the damage it can inflict, and allows players to upgrade their spells or skills. In addition to accumulating experience, players also manage a single resource: gold. The typical resource gathering of Warcraft III is replaced by a combat-oriented money system; in addition to a small periodic income, heroes earn gold by killing hostile units, base structures, and enemy heroes. Using gold, players buy items to strengthen their hero and gain abilities. Certain items can be combined with recipes to create more powerful items. Buying items that suit one's hero is an important tactical element of the scenario.

Allstars offers a variety of game modes, selected by the game host at the beginning of the match. The game modes dictate the difficulty of the scenario, as well as whether people can choose their hero or are assigned one randomly. Many game modes can be combined (for example, an easy difficulty level and a random hero pick), allowing more flexible options.

My Brute! One of the funniest fighting game online! By LilWeezyWee

My Brute is a simple fighting slash role playing game with a little mix of social networking. The game starts like most role playing games where you get choose and customize your character. After creating your character, you’ll need to find someone to fight. Here’s where it gets a bit interesting. During the fight, you are not required to do anything but watch and hope that your character wins. You are allowed to do only a few fights per day and each time your character levels up, you’ll get a new weapon or pet depending on the character you chose.

What’s interesting about the game is the element of surprise. You’ll never know what kind of scenario is going to be played during the fight. You can choose to fight a character with weaker stats but the outcome could be affected by the weapon(s) that the other character wields. Items and weapons will be given to you as your character’s level improves. Your character’s fight will be played for you which can be frustrating at times but its selling point of the game.

The social networking side of MyBrute allows you to recruit members and get some experience points. You can also join a clan if you want to. I’m just not sure of what are the incentives in joining a clan. Creating a character in MyBrute does not require you to sign up. Once your character name is validated (never been used) you can immediately start playing. This however, prevents you from joining clans and your character is open and can be played by others. If you want to be the only one to play you character, simply add a password and get access to other features of the game.

If you’re up for a bit of fun on your break, check it out and challenge MyBrute!

Men and TV , the evolution.

[Video] Men VS Women

This is a war that comes along with the years, Men Vs Women, which is the stronger genre, here's a little example :P 1-0 for Men

The Big 8 of What Men Really Want Women to Do and Be Like By Tanja Scott

According to surveys done with thousands of men, here are the BIG 8 of what men really want women to do and be like.

How to please your man? Is he happy with me? What does he want me to do? These are just some of the questions that constantly plague women. We end up obsessing about it and ultimately jump to the wrong conclusions. This, is what they really want:

1) Guys absolutely love the attention that you splurge on them. Whether you are trying to attract them or have been in a relationship for a long time. Fuss over them and you will be richly rewarded for your effort.

2) Men are really attracted to women that are happy with themselves and how they look. Simple gestures that exert confidence turn them on. Your walk, flicking of your hair, your smile, simple gestures like touching your waste or bum. If you are confident in yourself and show interest in them - they feel special and singled out.

3) Guys love everything feminine about you (but in moderation!). Your perfume, your makeup, your girlie gestures and giggles. Key is to entice and not overpower. Too much can have quite the opposite effect.

4) Men adore it when you show others how you feel about them. Hug them in public, always look for their hand, mention how he makes you laugh and smile. Anything you can do that will "show him off" in front of others. Especially with people he either likes or feel insecure with, which means everybody!

5) Guys love your support. They might never admit to it, but they can rarely make up their minds about anything and is usually open for suggestion and persuasion. Take note of what is going on in his life, ask questions and show that his interests and problems are important to you.

6) Men want to know that sexually they are the absolute ultimate. They do not take kindly to rejection and even though you might not think so, they are concerned about whether they satisfied you or not. Show him, show him, show him and did I mention show him?

7) Guys find it quite a challenge to be serious. If you are playful in your approach it is something that is familiar to him that he can relate to. It eases anything from sex to conversation. Don't take yourself too serious, play around, it is one of our basic animal instincts.

8) Although men want to know that they are your moon and stars, they do not want your constant dependence. Having your own interests and hobbies is what makes you endearing, with the added bonus that they can spend some time on theirs.

Adhere to these and you are bound to make your husband, boyfriend or love interest the happiest man alive. And might I add, how they respond and what you get out of it is very rewarding.

I wish I could tell you that this is it though, unfortunately it is only the tip of the iceberg that makes us women the wonderfully intricate beings that we are.

But if you can only implement a few of these, you are off to a rockin start - trust me!

Sex & Love By Keven Card

The difference between sex and love can create unnecessary issues in a relationship. Sex is one of those things that is often mistaken for love when it is nothing more than a physical interaction between two people. Society says to us, that sex feels good and whatever makes us feel good we should love, which translates into, if our spouses make us feel good then we will love them. However, if they don't make us feel good then we don't love them. This is a set up for absolute failure in your relationship with your spouse; because if you are going to wait for your spouse to make you feel good then you are in for the shock of your life. Guess what your spouse is waiting for from you? You guessed it, they are waiting for you to make them feel good which they have set in their minds is also the definition of love, so everyone is waiting and no one is doing.

Whatever you do right now, do not mistake what I said; sex is not a bad thing, it is, in fact, a healthy part of a mature relationship. God created us to have an abundant desire to have sex for a particular reason; we must have babies in order for us to continue our existence. We were built with a purpose of being intimate and having sex as a physical, outwardly expression of our desire for one another. However, sex, as a stand-alone can never measure up to the requirements of truly loving someone. Now sex can be an expression of love in the sense that you are saying to your spouse "I love you enough that I am willing to give myself to you physically".

Ultimately, love actually falls in line with an overall theme, presented in the Bible, of the giver or servant. If you look at the explanation in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 carefully it refers to the giver more than once; Love cares more for others than for self; Isn't always "me first"; Love puts up with anything. These are just a few of the examples that "love" is about being a giver. An even more powerful example comes from God in John 3:16, which says: For God so loved the world that he gave his only son. He had his son to take the form of man, sent Him to us only to be sacrificed, and He did it all just because He loves us. What an amazing example of true and untarnished love.

You see love is about sacrificing our needs for the needs of the ones we love. Setting aside our own complaints about what we want from the people closest to us to give to them what they need from us instead. When we are able to truly walk in love an amazing thing will happen once this concept gets deep down on the inside. You'll find, that the happiness that you are looking for, comes from the act of giving, not from getting.

How to Get Back With an Ex After a Breakup - Psychological Tricks You Need to Win Your Ex Back By Casey Gentles

Feeling something for your ex is normal after a breakup. Your sleeping attraction for him or her suddenly awakens and the flame of your love rekindles once more. Normally, this would be followed by a strong desire to know how to get an back with ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Fortunately, there are ways to win your ex lover back and reawaken your passion for each other once again.

What You Need to Do

First of all, you need to be strong in order to move on with the breakup. Do not beg or plea with your ex to come back because this would most certainly only do the opposite. Prove to everyone that you can handle something as tough as a breakup.

Second step on how to get back with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend is to minimize your contact with each other. You need to take a break from each other and learn what made the relationship fail. Only then will, the healing begin.

Make yourself seen publicly in order for your ex to know that you have somehow moved on. Especially during a breakup, it is not advisable for you to be alone. Go and call some friends and get out.

Lastly, remember to be yourself. What attracted your ex to you was your uniqueness and you have to preserve this. If you need to make some changes, always do so for the better. If you happen to see your ex again, make sure that he or she knows that even though you changed something, you are still the same person that he or she used to love.

Globally helping the world smile

[Video]Example of True Love

Consequences of Alcohol Abuse or Dependence

System/category	Early consequences	Late consequences
Liver disease	Elevated liver enzyme levels	Fatty liver, alcoholic hepatitis, cirrhosis
Pancreatic disease		Acute pancreatitis, chronic pancreatitis
Cardiovascular disease	Hypertension	Cardiomyopathy, arrhythmias, stroke
Gastrointestinal problems	Gastritis, gastroesophageal reflux disease, diarrhea, peptic ulcer disease	Esophageal varices, Mallory-Weiss tears
Neurologic disorders	Headaches, blackouts, peripheral neuropathy	Alcohol withdrawal syndrome, seizures, Wernicke's encephalopathy, dementia, cerebral atrophy, peripheral neuropathy, cognitive deficits, impaired motor functioning
Reproductive system disorders	Fetal alcohol effects, fetal alcohol syndrome	Sexual dysfunction, amenorrhea, anovulation, early menopause, spontaneous abortion
Cancers		Neoplasm of the liver, neoplasm of the head and neck, neoplasm of the pancreas, neoplasm of the esophagus
Psychiatric comorbidities	Depression, anxiety	Affective disorders, anxiety disorders, antisocial personality
Legal problems	Traffic violations, driving while intoxicated, public intoxication	Motor vehicle accidents, violent offenses, fires
Employment problems	Tardiness, sick days, inability to concentrate, decreased competence	Accidents, injury, job loss, chronic unemployment
Family problems	Family conflict, erratic child discipline, neglect of responsibilities, social isolation	Divorce, spouse abuse, child abuse or neglect, loss of child custody
Effects on children	Overresponsibility, acting out, withdrawal, inability to concentrate, school problems, social isolation	Learning disorders, behavior problems, emotional disturbance

What to Do After You Say "I Do"

Marriage can and should be the most fulfilling time of this life. Research shows that married couples live longer than singles. Since nearly half of marriages fail in some countries, it's important to know what to do after you say "I do."

by Jerold Aust


















When Don and Karen met, their worlds turned upside down. Bells were ringing, stars filled their eyes, lilting music was everywhere, and magic was in the air for this Prince Charming who just met his Cinderella.

Neither of them anticipated marriage at first; it wasn't even a consideration. Both had enjoyed the single life, without a care in the world—or so it seemed. Karen was a successful administrator and Don was considering a college education.

Additionally, neither wanted to rush into marriage. But they were experiencing a flush of feelings they had never felt before. Those feelings toward each other were powerfully attractive. They were relentlessly drawn to each other.

Don and Karen (not their real names) did not try to hide their feelings, but they also knew that marriage was a big step for them. Don saw from his perspective the towering responsibility of taking care of Karen and a potential family down the line. Was this too big a step for him?

Karen seemed to be more accepting about the prospect. She was encouraging when they discussed the subject. The two of them spent a lot of time on their dates discussing issues they might face in marriage and preparing for a family.

What could they draw on? Neither of them remembered their parents spending time talking to them about taking on such an awesome responsibility. Still, they reasoned, it was love at first sight, and that overshadowed all negative thoughts to the contrary.

Years later, when asked about their early marital experiences and expectations about marriage, both agreed that getting to the altar, the "I do" part, was about 10 percent of their marriage, while 90 percent was the work and dedication they later put into their marriage, the "I did" part.

All marriages begin with a cocktail

Today, many young men and women frequent bars and nightclubs hoping to find the man or woman of their dreams. This wasn't Don and Karen's problem, though they did partake of a "cocktail" that they, like most young couples, little understood.

Dr. Pat Love, a nationally known marriage and family counselor and relationship consultant, knows a lot about this "love cocktail." She has written two books and collaborated on two others, all focused on the marriage relationship.

In her eye-opening book, The Truth About Love, Dr. Love talks about the chemical concoction that brings two people together—what she calls the love cocktail.

In the beginning of a couple's relationship this "love cocktail" strengthens a man and woman's desire to be together and to enter an intimate relationship. It raises the couple's libido and gives "the biggest sexual urge in the first few months of intimacy" (2001, p. 44).

The love cocktail

Don and Karen, as most couples do, drank freely of this cocktail without knowing how and why it works.

The love cocktail produced naturally in our bodies includes three major chemicals: phenylethylamine (a naturally occurring amphetamine-like neurotransmitter often abbreviated as PEA), dopamine and norepinephrine.

"PEA, known as the 'love molecule,' works in concert with dopamine and norepinephrine and triggers incredible side effects," notes Dr. Love. "Symptoms include a delightfully positive attitude, increased energy, decreased need for sleep, and loss of appetite. Increased concentrations of dopamine in the brain are associated with euphoria. Norepinephrine, which is chemically derived from dopamine, is generally associated with exhilaration, excessive energy, and other excitatory responses" (p. 29).

Dr. Love has some keen insight on the effects of this powerful mixture. We'd do well to listen.

"It's clear that what we call being in love could also be called being under the influence," she cautions. Perhaps that's one reason why love has such a reputation for not being rational. Dr. Love continues, "It takes a strong chemical force to overpower the amygdala—the brain's inhibition center—which at this point may be trying to warn you, 'This isn't smart; you could get hurt!'

"But the amygdala is no match for this hormonal hurricane. Full-blown infatuation knows no fear. Researchers propose that in the presence of a sufficiently intense attraction, virtually everyone's neural lattices become marinated in natural amphetamines. The frenzied action of lovers' neurons renders them fearless and unrealistically optimistic. It is no wonder that they tend to discount alarming qualities in their sweethearts" (ibid.).

This helps us understand why people sometimes rush into a relationship with seemingly little understanding of what they're doing. This chemical concoction creates a powerful attraction that draws us to another person. It's commonly called "falling in love," as though it were an accident. And in many ways it is, considering that about half of marriages in advanced nations fail—not least because so many couples don't understand the natural phases a man and woman go through in marriage.

Couples considering marriage would do well to hear out Dr. Love's research on the subject, which helps us understand the difference between infatuation and real love and the up-and-down stages most couples will go through over the course of marriage.

Where do we go from here?

Dr. Love calls this first stage of love and marriage, appropriately enough, the infatuation stage. It's natural and necessary, God having designed us this way to bring men and women together to enjoy a happy family life and to perpetuate the human race.

She calls the second stage of marriage the post-rapture stage. It could be described as what happens when the initial euphoria wears off and reality sets in.

The discovery stage follows, during which couples get to really know each other and have the opportunity to learn what true love is all about.

Finally comes the connection stage, in which couples grow to true love—a giving, outgoing concern for one's partner.

Her book The Truth About Love is highly revealing reading for all couples considering marriage as well as all who are already married.

She points out the tragic mistake that some couples make in thinking that the end of one of the normal phases of a relationship is the end of one's love for his or her partner, when that need not be the case at all. That's why it's crucially important that spouses know what to do after they say, "I do"!

So what are some of the keys to building a strong and lasting relationship in marriage? Here are 10 that will greatly help.

1. Put God first

When married couples put God first in their marriage, they are much more likely to experience joy, comfort and security. This is not an oversimplification. Putting God first in marriage means that the husband and wife read and follow God's instruction for developing good relationships and pray for His guidance and blessings on their marriage. It's important that both spouses do this, not just one.

Humility and mutual submission are crucial keys to a great marriage. This is the way God prescribes for developing a happy relationship. As 1 Peter 5:5 tells us, "Be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for 'God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.'"

Couples can be happy for moments at a time, based on human pleasures, but enjoying long-term happiness in marriage comes by putting God first.

2. Realize the honeymoon euphoria is not true love

There's quite a difference between the "love" a couple feels when dating and in their first year or two together and the much deeper love they hopefully will enjoy later in marriage.

The first is to a large extent fueled by the strong and potent chemical cocktail already built into us, as described earlier. The second, after the first wears off, is what's crucial in keeping a marriage strong.

When the infatuation or honeymoon stage is over, the stage is set for true love. This is where the rubber meets the road, when a husband and wife have an opportunity to work at their marriage, looking to and highlighting their mate's strengths rather than their weaknesses.

The human body cannot maintain the high energy of the infatuation stage. It must come down or return to a normal state, to the reality of life. This is where true love begins—when a couple can work on their marriage.

What Dr. Love calls the post-rapture stage is not an abnormal experience. It is simply the next natural phase of marriage. Some couples think something must be wrong in their marriage when, in reality, it is just part of the human condition. God designed a couple's relationship and marriage to go through this stepwise progression.

3. Get to know yourself and your mate

When the honeymoon wears off, and it will, a newly married couple has a potential gold mine to explore. In the early infatuation or honeymoon stages of a relationship, the husband and wife naturally tend to look for and see the best in each other. But when the new wears off, the partners naturally begin to see one another's faults.

The wise take advantage of this and focus on meeting their spouse's needs. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages and numerous other books and a relationship counselor with the syndicated radio program A Growing Marriage, offers some help in this area.

Not all people perceive love in the same way. Dr. Chapman presents five distinct ways through which people feel they are loved—what he calls the five "love languages." Let's briefly note them:

• Words of affirmation are especially important for some to hear to feel loved.

• Spending quality time together is vitally important to support a secure and happy marriage, and is particularly seen as love by some people.

• It is through receiving a gift that some feel especially loved and appreciated.

• Acts of service, like performing simple chores around the house, is another expression of love that some are more attracted to.

• And finally, physical touch can make or break some relationships, and includes things like giving a back massage, holding hands, hugging and embracing often.

To enhance your marriage through the various love languages Dr. Chapman outlines, you might want to visit FiveLoveLanguages.com. Additionally, in The Truth About Love, Dr. Love offers some excellent guidelines for couples just out of the infatuation stage.

4. Be a good listener

Human beings love to talk. We would rather talk than listen. But listening is vitally important for a number of good reasons, especially in marriage. Men tend to communicate simply to get things done. Women often communicate just to share the thoughts of others.

Sometimes both spouses want only to be heard. All their lives they have people giving them advice, but there are times when it's enough just to be heard, to have someone listen attentively to them. Often, if people are given enough time to say what's on their minds, they can figure out the best way to solve their own problems.

Men should listen to their wives and let them communicate their thoughts and feelings; this will help a marriage immeasurably. A wife should listen to her husband, for he needs reassurance that he is indeed taking care of his wife and the family.

5. Add humor to your marriage

Don and Karen could enjoy good-natured kidding with one another because they didn't take themselves too seriously. They even made light of some of their shortcomings.

Humor adds great joy to marriage; it really is a gift from God. Laughter reduces stress, stimulates the immune system, lifts your spirits and keeps the relationship fresh.

Spouses might share funny jokes, watch comedy movies together and reflect on humorous times of the past. Perhaps make it a habit to share something funny at meal times.

Don and Karen have never stopped laughing at themselves and at each other, in a lighthearted way. However, they did not pick at one another, cloaking mean-spirited ridicule in humor. They also enjoyed humor in the company of other people and watching television together. Humor spices up their relationship.

6. Learn when and how to say you're sorry

Remember this: We all make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes can and will hurt our spouse. We should acknowledge when we're wrong in a marital situation and not hesitate to apologize for it.

Not everyone who apologizes does it in the way you or I might want. Sometimes a person apologizes in an indirect way, by controlling his or her anger, by acting as if there were no disagreement, by changing the topic or by paying a small compliment. Mature spouses who are not threatened by saying "I'm sorry" simply say it. Few things are more healing to a relationship than this.

Neither life nor marriage will be perfect. Both are works in progress. If we can understand and accept that our mates are not perfect, just as we are not perfect, then we can also recognize that marriage is a work in progress.

7. Always make up quickly

Never hold grudges. The heaviest thing to carry around in this world is a grudge. Grudges hurt you the most since the other person might not even know you're holding one. Grudges deny us healthy peace of mind.

The best time to set a goal to understand your spouse and to make up is now, during a time of peace when you're not suffering marital battle fatigue. Think about this, write it down and then, when a disagreement comes up, you'll be better prepared to understand where your husband or wife is coming from, and it will be much easier to make up.

Always make up with your spouse, and soon. Don't let your hurt feelings deny you the peace you both really want and need.

8. Respect, don't ridicule, your spouse

Ridiculing one's spouse comes all too easily at times. Early in a relationship, although you may see your mate's shortcomings, you're so much in love that you simply minimize them.

But when the honeymoon is over, you will notice and remember a lot of your mate's shortcomings—and you might even make some up in the heat of battle. But know this: Ridiculing your mate with any regularity will erode your marriage and over time poison your relationship.

That's a very dangerous and unnecessary road to take. A wise couple will acknowledge this when it surfaces, talk about it and determine to offer respect rather than ridicule. Look for the strengths in your mate and be generous in your compliments on his or her good traits.

9. Banish "You always" and "You never"

Many a husband and wife in the heat of an argument have blurted out, "You never do this!" or "You always do that!" Both are wrong since it's simply not true that a person always, without fail, makes the same mistake in all settings. If it were true, how would you prove it?

Avoid the accusations of "you always" or "you never." They are not accurate, and your mate will not accept them. He or she will only dig in and resist.

10. Focus on strengths, not weaknesses

Men and women are designed differently, and for good reason. God says that a man and woman should leave their parents and become one with each other. A husband needs his wife for many reasons, and a wife needs her husband for many reasons—one of which is to complement the other. God designed the male and female to become one, and as one to be twice as effective in this life (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

A husband and wife should look to each other's strengths, not weaknesses. Someone might complain, "But my mate has so many weaknesses, they hide any strength he may have."

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For a spouse to think this way is to remain in the dark about his or her own weaknesses. Look for the strengths in your mate and deal constructively with his or her weaknesses.

The famous American comedian Red Skelton wrote his wife a love letter every day for many years of their marriage. He truly learned that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and looked for that.

God's plan for marriage

Human beings are destined to become children of God. Hebrews 2:10 tells us that God's great plan for us involves "bringing many sons to glory." All human beings have the same opportunity to become the literal children of God. God is and has a family. The Father and Son constitute a family, but there's more to this. In 2 Corinthians 6:18 we are told, "I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

To help us prepare for this wonderful future He has planned for us, God has given us the wonderful gift of marriage and family. A strong, respectful and loving marriage in this life gives us a foretaste of the loving and eternal relationships we will enjoy with the Father, Jesus Christ and the rest of God's spiritual family in the future. And the more we follow His instructions now in this life, the more blessed we will be both now and then.

Epilogue

Don and Karen's knowledge of God's plan for marriage has helped them immeasurably over the many years of their marriage. They've passed their thoughts and experiences on to their children, who in turn apply them in their marriages. They all understand what a great blessing a loving marriage can be.

These are some of the things you should know about and apply in your marriage, as you are able. We hope they will help you to know what to do after you say, "I do."

How To Make Your Relationship Last Forever - By Damian Miles

Do you realize that it is perfectly possible for you to have a relationship that lasts forever? And a relationship that is not just normal, or struggling, but that is consistently great. I believe that you can have a relationship where you are soul mates with your partner, and in love, and that you can have this over many many years until your are finally separated by death.

I call such a relationship, a “lifelong soul mate” relationship.

I know that you hope for such a lifelong soul mate relationship, but I suspect that you believe that it is only possible for you in some abstract kind of way. You may even believe that such a relationship is not possible outside of fairy tales.

In this, the first of three articles, I share with you that it is possible for you to have a lifelong soul mate relationship. Not only is it possible, but also it is relatively simple to achieve this, providing certain simple rules are followed.

In my second article I share with you what you have to do. In my third article I share with you what you must avoid doing. As you will see, a lifelong soul mate relationship need not be difficult at all.

With regard to achieving a soul mate relationship all people can be divided into three categories. These are: (1) those in relationships that will never become lifelong soul mate relationships, (2) those in relationships that can become lifelong soul mate relationships, and (3) those currently not in a relationship.

(1) Relationships that will never become lifelong soul mates.

No matter how much you want your relationship to work, if your partner does not want it to work, then it won’t. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango. Many people actually do not want to be a lifelong soul mate, preferring instead a much lesser relationship. If your partner is one of these, you have a simple choice to make, Settle for a relationship that falls far short of being a lifelong soul mate relationship, or get a new relationship. The choice is yours. The rules for having a lifelong soul mate relationship will help you judge your current relationship to see if there is any possibility of it becoming such a relationship.

(2) Those relationships that have the potential to become lifelong soul mate relationships.

These are relationships where both parties are committed to the relationship, committed to a future together, and both are interested in deepening the relationship. The chances of this type of relationship becoming a lifelong soul mate relationship are good. And remember the rules for achieving this relationship are easy to follow.

(3) Those that are not currently in a relationship

For those that are not yet in a relationship the lifelong soul mate rules can be used to judge any prospective partner, increasing the likelihood that any relationship that you are about to enter into will be a lifelong soul mate relationship.